Probably the biggest challenge for me as a 30-something new immigrant in America is making friends. At this time, most people my age have already established their friend groups and how they prefer to spend their time.
According to this study, it can take about 80–100 hours spent for two people to become friends. That’s a minimum of more than three full days. I may be getting ahead of myself but that’s a huge amount of time to dedicate to someone you just met.
Add to that the responsibilities that come with being an adult (i.e. job, family, chores, etc.), and you’ve got yourself little to no time to build meaningful relationships.
While I am (still) trying to find my people in my new home country, I am very grateful that my friends back home still take the time to check in on me whenever they can.
Amid their chaotic work schedules, family members getting sick, new friends, and the 16-hour time difference, my low-maintenance friends have always been there for me whenever immigrant life has gotten me down multiple times in the past year.
So what a low-maintenance friendship and how did it save me?
Low-maintenance friendship is defined as a relationship that does not require much time, effort, and communication from each other.
Both parties understand that each person has his/her own life to live and is okay with picking up from where they left off the last time they were in contact — whether that’s last week, 3 months ago, or a year ago.
For one, my love maintenance friends give me a sense of belongingness
Low-maintenance friendships are often based on mutual acceptance and respect, without the pressure to meet certain expectations.
Take for example my friend K who lives on a different continent. Our experiences with work and daily social life are not that different from each other despite the distance.
We can send each other a whole block of text today talking about what an exhausting workday it has been but neither of us is expecting a response right away. Instead, we each take our time to process our thoughts and text back with a caring and oftentimes hilarious response.
Time spent together is never taken for granted
I don’t know if it’s a Western thing but I’ve met a few people here with a habit of not showing up or canceling plans at the last minute. Don’t get me wrong, I know people have reasons for canceling, but I hope it’s not at the expense of other people’s time.
Time is one of my most valuable assets. When I choose to spend it with someone, it means that I value that person as well. And with low-maintenance friends, they are always worth it.
Our relationship feels even more genuine and oftentimes unconditional
Prefer a late-night call because she needs to take her kid to school and my timezone is 12 hours behind? You got it. Or do you think I’m making the same mistake over and over again? Give me your brutal honesty, I can take it.
In a world where everything quickly comes and goes, true friendship does not need to be hard to find or maintain. It just needs to work around real-life experiences no matter the distance and time.
Simply put, no drama. Our friendship goes beyond the idea of whether we agree, or like the same things or not. It’s more of being present when we need each other, whatever the circumstance.
Living abroad may be an enriching experience, but it’s not all roses and daisies. Low-maintenance friendships offer a way to combat loneliness and create a support network in a foreign country.
In a world where everything quickly comes and goes, true friendship does not need to be hard to find or maintain. It just needs to work around real-life experiences no matter the distance and time.
Are you in a low-maintenance friendship? What aspects of this relationship work best for you?
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